Packing myself on the way into the Operating Theatre
It's been a strange few days around here. After all the panic and stress and tension and fear, I came back home with lots of needle holes and bruises, and still a little bit high from the lovely calming drug that they gave me in theatre.
I haven't been quite sure what to do. How do you just go back to your normal routine? Everything still seems a little off-kilter.
When I think about it, I feel nauseous. I can't eat. It's the same feeling I had after a traumatic event a few years ago.
I was supposed to do some contracting work this week. I had to cancel.
I remember lying on the operating table. I was all prepared and ready - all the lines were in and all the monitors were attached, and I was thinking about how there was a family somewhere who lost a loved one early Friday morning.
It all just seems surreal now, like it didn't actually happen, like that phonecall was just a dream in the middle of the night.
Tomorrow, I'll go and have my intragam infusion just like I always do, and Friday I'll go to Pulmonary Rehab just like I always do.
Routine is good. Structure is good. Control is good. Did I ever mention how much I hate surprises?