Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Trying to be a PATIENT patient
I'm finding the start to this new year a real struggle.
For me, traditionally the new year has always been a time to have a lovely summer holiday, and then start afresh and plan for the year ahead....
But, I'm stuck in limbo, and I can't do anything like that at the moment, and it's throwing my inner control freak self totally out of kilter. I'm sick of scheduling appointments, making sure I have all my prescriptions up to date, counting how many oxygen bottles are left, and working around the routine of nebuliser treatment three times a day.
Each night I go to bed, wondering whether the phone is going to ring, and hoping that I go to sleep. I work hard on trying to make sure that the horrible knot of anxiety doesn't linger for too long.
There's nothing I would like more, than to pretend that I've just been having a summer holiday, and get up tomorrow and be able to go back to my old full time job. I loved the routine. I really liked the people I worked with.... and of course I always loved payday.
I've learned a lot of patience from having to deal with this for the last 22 years, but waiting for a transplant requires a WHOLE lot more.